As daily responsibilities make demands on your time, it is tempting allow
quality communication time to slip away. Studies show, however, that good
communication is essential for a healthy marriage. Couples who can talk to each
other and resolve differences in a positive manner are much more likely to have
healthy and successful marriages.
Some people are really good at finding ways to be heard and to listen to
their spouse, others find communication more challenging. The way your family
members and those you grew up around communicate has a great influence on how
you interact with your spouse. Discovering each others
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communication patterns
and effective communication skills can make
a positive impact on your marriage.
Use the following tips, a compilation of recommendations by national experts, to
learn to communicate effectively with your partner.
- Providing a safe environment for both partners to express their ideas and
emotions.
- Avoiding harsh criticism and contempt
- Listening actively to your partner’s point of view
- Being open to discussing problems without defensiveness
- Using “I” statements when presenting information rather than projecting
blame with “you” statements.
- Using appropriate humor to keep things "light"
- Waiting until your partner has fully expressed his/her views before
offering responses or solutions
- Providing verbal and nonverbal clues to help your partner understand what
you are communicating
For a free tool to help foster communication in your marriage, check out the Alabama Marriage
Handbook. Also look for relationship and marriage education courses (link to
Education & Counseling) in your area for more in-depth communication skills
training, as well.
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Dr. Emerson Eggerson, author of Love and Respect, found that the factors that
escalate conversations into conflict are often less related to the specific
issues of daily life and more tied to underlying feelings and emotions. Eggerson
outlines what he call the “crazy cycle” which is a communication style that is
fueled by the emotional needs of each partner. He found that in most conflicts,
there are traditional reasons for which men and women react negatively. Women
need to feel loved in their relationships and may respond reactively when they
feel their partner is not showing love toward them. Conversely, men need to feel
respected in their relationships and may withdraw from the discussion if they
feel disrespected or unappreciated by their partner. Eggerson summarizes the
cycle as: Without love, she reacts without respect; Without respect, he reacts
without love. For more information on stopping the “crazy cycle” visit the Love and Respect
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Perhaps you find that no matter what you say or do, your partner is not
feeling the love you are expressing. One barrier to communication may be that
you are not communicating love and acceptance in a manner that your partner
understands. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, discovered
after thirty years of marriage counseling that there are basically five
emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional
love. Learn how to speak your
partner’s language |
