Far too often relationships evolve into a predictable storyline where
starry-eyed lovers become encumbered by the realities of every day life and lose
touch with each other, sometimes becoming intimate strangers. A national marital
satisfaction poll suggests that it is important for couples in all cycles of
life to work at finding time together to refresh their marriages. It is
important for husbands and wives to not only date each other more often, but to
also talk openly about what a “date” is and create plans that will foster
friendship, communication, bonding and intimacy. |
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Intimacy is the bonding agent that helps couples stay connected and involved
in the process of creating a healthy marriage. Marriage and family researchers
Schaefer and Olson describe intimacy as "a process that occurs over time and is
never completed or fully accomplished."2 Although you and your spouse may define
intimacy differently, "all human beings have the basic need to be intimate and
close with another person.”3 Brigham Young University researchers Hagey and
Brewer found that intimacy is created in diverse ways within relationships,
including:
Emotional intimacy is the closeness created through sharing
feelings.
Mental or intellectual intimacy involves a mutual understanding about
all the important issues in your marriage and setting goals together.
Spiritual intimacy involves sharing religious beliefs and observing
religious practices together.
Recreational intimacy is enjoying activities together.
Financial or monetary intimacy comes with discussing and sharing your
finances
Sexual intimacy includes sexual frequency that both partners are
satisfied with, sexual activities both partners enjoy, and an open dialogue
about sex.
Studies show that healthy marital intimacy is based on mutual trust,
tenderness, acceptance, open communication, caring and appropriate boundaries.
For more information about the forms of intimacy and the common
characteristics of healthy marital intimacy.
Quality time together is an important component in building relationship
intimacy. Don’t allow limited time or finances to become an obstacle to enjoying
romantic and bonding time with your spouse. Here are a few ideas, provided by
WAIT Training, to get you thinking creatively about investing time in your
relationship.
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- Ride bikes on a variety of trails
- Go sledding or tubing
- Go to a state fair
- Hike a mountain trail
- Check out funny films from the library
- Volunteer at a service organization together
- Go out for coffee and talk
- Walk or jog together
- Swim in a lake, river or pool
- See a concert
- Walk or play in the park
- Create a progressive meal by dining at multiple restaurants at the mall
- Go for a drive and explore new places
- Go ice-skating
- Go to the zoo
- Take creative pictures and then make an album together
- Plant a garden and spend time cultivating it
- Take a “coin flip trip.” Every time you come to a stop, flip a coin to
decide which way to turn. (Tip: You may need a map to get back!)
- Get dressed up and have a candlelight dinner in your family room
- Look for cards at a card store that express your sentiments to each other;
then “give” the cards to each other to read
- Go to a nice restaurant with live musicians and order appetizers or
dessert
- Visit a museum or a historic site
- Explore a nature trail
- Gaze at the stars, look for constellations, use a telescope to see even
more
- Chat beneath the stars about your hopes and dreams
- Go to community or school plays, musicals and games
- Play board games or card games
- Learn to play a sport together
- Read a book together
- Take a picnic to the mountains
- Bury a treasure (like a giant Hershey kiss) and send the other person on a
hunt to find it.
- Throw a surprise party for a special occasion
- Make a video together
- Weed and care for the garden
- Go on a scavenger hunt
- Serve meals to the homeless
- Create your family trees
- Explore old neighborhoods
- Learn a new computer program
- Write and illustrate a story together
- Go to the gym
- Go to a local coffee shop and plan a dream vacation
- Take $10 to the mall and see what you can buy
1 Stanley, S. & Markman, H. (1997). Marital Research Poll. Denver, CO:
University of Denver.
2 Schaefer, M. T., & Olson, D. H. (1981). Assessing intimacy: The PAIR
inventory. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 7, 47-60.
3 Stahmann, R. F., Young, W. R., & Grover, J. G. (2004). Becoming one:
Intimacy in marriage. American Fork, UT: Covenant Communications.
4 Hagey, D.W. & Brewer, A. Increasing Intimacy in Marriage. Provo, UT:
Brigham Young University. Accessed online at http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/marital_intimacy.aspx
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